Yes! Women must find their voices! I recently began using my authentic naturally deep voice. I had artificially raised it to a higher register so I wouldn't 'scare' people, including myself. There is no hiding when I use my low pitched and very powerful voice, no backsies on what I say. And it has been great! I am finally a part of the conversation. People are listening to me. Elizabeth Holmes in part made her phoney Theranos a reality by artificially lowering her voice so she would be listened to. There are ample studies that lower voices are not only listened to more than higher ones, but also that what is said in a lower register impacts the listener much more. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3350713/
An excerpt from this article...
— Because lower-pitched male voices are perceived to be both stronger and more attractive, males with lower-pitched voices will be more likely to be selected as leaders.
— In females, perceptions of attractiveness and dominance are opposed: higher-pitched voices are perceived to be more attractive, but lower-pitched voices are perceived to be more dominant. As such, if humans prefer to select female leaders with lower-pitched voices, then they are influenced by their perception of dominance. Conversely, if humans prefer to select female leaders with higher-pitched voices, then they are influenced by their perception of attractiveness.
This has left me wondering. If women did not feel compelled to use a higher pitched voice in order to appear attractive - i.e. more feminine, how would that affect not only the power structures in government, but also in their personal lives?
Wow! I am sorry that you had to hide your true self. But, obviously it's a lesson you welcome because of your insight into it. Sound is the most powerful vibration indeed. Like with all energy. After you have met someone (They Say) you remember how they felt, their vibe, and not their words. I too have a deep voice and it's a little froggy too. If I may be so bold....what age range are you? Happy holidays! And sing it out!
You know, I was watching the most recent episode of Survivor and I've watched the "evolution" of one of the female contestants and on her exit speech to the camera, she said something that made me want to, I don't know... She said that she changed her ways from the start of the game when everyone saw her as a hard ass. She "softened" (her word), and then people liked her. Wtf?! I'm just trying to imagine a man saying this. Can you imagine it? And then there's this other side of me that thinks, well what if it's actually better? Maybe if men "softened" we wouldn't be in quite so much shit in this world. I don't know...
So interesting you mention Survivor. I was really into it (like, obsessed), but then the sexism, racism, and ageism really got to me, and I had to stop watching. Also, yes, I vote for men everywhere softening.
An excellent read! I couldn’t resist sharing my frustration with the unaccountability of medical professionals who feel free to express their personal distaste for you while brutally stating your cervical cancer diagnosis is all YOUR fault and then reluctantly do me the favour by excising it. The crazy/ sad part is this wasn’t the first nor last medicalsplaining I’ve undergone. Thank you for opening up the dialogue and sharing your experience.
Shit. I have a lot to process here. Maybe I’m grateful for my PMDD making me express my rage lol but whew. Half kidding. Thanks for doing this work and sharing it with us.
You're not the first person to say this! It makes sense that the body overrides the mind's impulse to repress to be "nice." I want to investigate and write about *how* exactly to express emotion, and some of my half-kidding advice will be to have PMDD or be menopausal.
I married my husband because I could not bear to hurt him by turning down his proposal. He asked me on his birthday, saying it was the only gift he wanted. I married him, feeling obligated and confused and very, very ill. My body shut down for an entire week before the wedding. I had a fever so high I didn't remember my future mother-in-law watching over me. (My mom was busy, preparing the food for the wedding and unavailable.) I had no food for that week, which was lost to me in my insensible, feverish state. Recently, I was startled to realize that NO ONE TOOK ME TO A DOCTOR! Now I wonder if they were worried the wedding would be called off and I might have come to my senses and backed out. Probably not, because the disease you spoke of was still infecting me. I only recently have been pretty much cured of the disease to please. And yes, I have already been called disruptive and too outspoken. Surprised myself by mentally shrugging my shoulders and finding that my world did not blow up!
I recovered just enough to walk down the aisle and be married in front of the man I truly loved and knew I belonged with... I kept 'performing' for the wedding guests until I started to slide down a wall in the reception line and had to be helped up to the bride's changing room.
We are working out a separation after 38 years of me trying to please a man who only recently figured out he just would not, could not ever be pleased - until it became a reality I was leaving him. He has matured by leaps and bounds, but unfortunately it is too late. I am resolute. It may not be an easy life, but I am determined to be free. To find the woman who was subsumed by a marriage she did not want in her desire to please everyone but herself.
This really hit home. I am grateful you are not being silent.
LOVE THIS! YES!!!!!!
(a mini video on SPEAKING UP!!!)
https://youtu.be/I0neTYetDTk
THANK YOU ELISSA!
Yes! Women must find their voices! I recently began using my authentic naturally deep voice. I had artificially raised it to a higher register so I wouldn't 'scare' people, including myself. There is no hiding when I use my low pitched and very powerful voice, no backsies on what I say. And it has been great! I am finally a part of the conversation. People are listening to me. Elizabeth Holmes in part made her phoney Theranos a reality by artificially lowering her voice so she would be listened to. There are ample studies that lower voices are not only listened to more than higher ones, but also that what is said in a lower register impacts the listener much more. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3350713/
An excerpt from this article...
— Because lower-pitched male voices are perceived to be both stronger and more attractive, males with lower-pitched voices will be more likely to be selected as leaders.
— In females, perceptions of attractiveness and dominance are opposed: higher-pitched voices are perceived to be more attractive, but lower-pitched voices are perceived to be more dominant. As such, if humans prefer to select female leaders with lower-pitched voices, then they are influenced by their perception of dominance. Conversely, if humans prefer to select female leaders with higher-pitched voices, then they are influenced by their perception of attractiveness.
This has left me wondering. If women did not feel compelled to use a higher pitched voice in order to appear attractive - i.e. more feminine, how would that affect not only the power structures in government, but also in their personal lives?
Wow! I am sorry that you had to hide your true self. But, obviously it's a lesson you welcome because of your insight into it. Sound is the most powerful vibration indeed. Like with all energy. After you have met someone (They Say) you remember how they felt, their vibe, and not their words. I too have a deep voice and it's a little froggy too. If I may be so bold....what age range are you? Happy holidays! And sing it out!
You know, I was watching the most recent episode of Survivor and I've watched the "evolution" of one of the female contestants and on her exit speech to the camera, she said something that made me want to, I don't know... She said that she changed her ways from the start of the game when everyone saw her as a hard ass. She "softened" (her word), and then people liked her. Wtf?! I'm just trying to imagine a man saying this. Can you imagine it? And then there's this other side of me that thinks, well what if it's actually better? Maybe if men "softened" we wouldn't be in quite so much shit in this world. I don't know...
So interesting you mention Survivor. I was really into it (like, obsessed), but then the sexism, racism, and ageism really got to me, and I had to stop watching. Also, yes, I vote for men everywhere softening.
INCREDIBLE WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU, MOM
An excellent read! I couldn’t resist sharing my frustration with the unaccountability of medical professionals who feel free to express their personal distaste for you while brutally stating your cervical cancer diagnosis is all YOUR fault and then reluctantly do me the favour by excising it. The crazy/ sad part is this wasn’t the first nor last medicalsplaining I’ve undergone. Thank you for opening up the dialogue and sharing your experience.
Shit. I have a lot to process here. Maybe I’m grateful for my PMDD making me express my rage lol but whew. Half kidding. Thanks for doing this work and sharing it with us.
You're not the first person to say this! It makes sense that the body overrides the mind's impulse to repress to be "nice." I want to investigate and write about *how* exactly to express emotion, and some of my half-kidding advice will be to have PMDD or be menopausal.
Very timely for me. Thank you.
Thank you for writing this.
seriously, between you and me, thanks for writing this. I'm going to send it to my mom (who has constant migraines) and mm...yeah....wow.
I cured my headaches when I let myself get mad.
I'm stoked for this newsletter.
Thank you, Molly!!
I married my husband because I could not bear to hurt him by turning down his proposal. He asked me on his birthday, saying it was the only gift he wanted. I married him, feeling obligated and confused and very, very ill. My body shut down for an entire week before the wedding. I had a fever so high I didn't remember my future mother-in-law watching over me. (My mom was busy, preparing the food for the wedding and unavailable.) I had no food for that week, which was lost to me in my insensible, feverish state. Recently, I was startled to realize that NO ONE TOOK ME TO A DOCTOR! Now I wonder if they were worried the wedding would be called off and I might have come to my senses and backed out. Probably not, because the disease you spoke of was still infecting me. I only recently have been pretty much cured of the disease to please. And yes, I have already been called disruptive and too outspoken. Surprised myself by mentally shrugging my shoulders and finding that my world did not blow up!
I recovered just enough to walk down the aisle and be married in front of the man I truly loved and knew I belonged with... I kept 'performing' for the wedding guests until I started to slide down a wall in the reception line and had to be helped up to the bride's changing room.
We are working out a separation after 38 years of me trying to please a man who only recently figured out he just would not, could not ever be pleased - until it became a reality I was leaving him. He has matured by leaps and bounds, but unfortunately it is too late. I am resolute. It may not be an easy life, but I am determined to be free. To find the woman who was subsumed by a marriage she did not want in her desire to please everyone but herself.